This man was sitting in the back and his friend got on, and she said to him, “You’ll never guess what I just did!? I picked up a dropped wallet and handed it in to the TTC collector at the station”

That put a smile on my face.

Her friend called her an idiot.

“Did you take the cash before giving it in? You should have cleaned out the wallet at the very least! – you deserve something for doing that.”

If I didn’t think this guy was an idiot after that comment, this sealed the deal. He proceeded to brag about stealing peoples’ wallets when they set it down at TTC ticket booths and he would grab the wallet, run away, take the cash and hand in the wallet at the next station.

And all in the while, the conversation moves on, and the d-bag (yes, I’m resorting to name calling… BUT COME ON!) keeps talking…”I haven’t won the lottery in 27 years! I keep playing my numbers and I’ve never won.”

I WONDER WHY? Maybe the fact that you steal money from people’s wallets!? And it’s really sickening when you think about it. In order to justify or to clear his conscience of how awful a thing like that to do is, is to hand the cash free wallet to “authorities” and get a pat on the back from it to deem it ok again.

NO! NOT COOL. The word “asshole” popped in my head immediately. Then, karma. And then I thought of the phrase insult, “Karma is a bitch”

Why the bad rap? Karma isn’t a bitch. Karma gives it to you straight up. Do something good, something good happens to you. You do something bad, and something bad happens to you. It’s a matter of consequences of your actions…it’s not karma’s fault! Stop calling karma the b-word!

I don’t think it’s just karma this applies to. I mean, everything is a results of a course of actions taken. Whether it be negative, positive, or neutral,  energy pulses through our daily lives and I truly believe everything is linked to whatever a person decides to put in that day, that minute, that second…your entire life!  And that is what dictates the good, the bad and the ugly.

So I plead to those who use the phrase “karma is a bitch” to take a look in the mirror to see who the real bitch is. OH SNAP!

I guess I’m in a happier place, although not always perfect. But I don’t think things will ever be perfect until it comes to a conclusion. Does that make sense? It does in my head and I’m sticking with it! Either way, I’ve come to be content, somewhat! I now dream of bigger things…wondering what the future will have in store for me…or better yet, what I’ll have in store for the future. Plans are a brewing…or am I dreaming? Meh?!

This is my favourite songs of 2011 so far from my favourite album of 2011. And I doubt there will be another song that will takeover as my favourite song this year.

Reverse psychology wins this round.

It’s hard when things that were merely being held on by the fingertips have entirely just slipped away and I’m the one still reaching out when the other person has fallen into the abyss. Calling out seems to be a waste of effort and time when all I get back in response is an echo from myself and sometimes a faint voice that’s barely audible.

It’s really hard and upsetting to go through this change when it was someone I depended on for so much and so long. I know I shouldn’t feel pathetic about this, but I do. I definitely feel it’s me, but I can’t even wrap my head around what I can do more to try and rebuild what was there. I feel like an afterthought, an appointment, a chore.

Writing in metaphors. I always practiced this when I took those damn creative writing courses at Saturday school. everything is this. nothing is that. red is love. blue is cold. I have become a chore.

I wanted to become a writer during my years in high school and a couple of years after that too. I don’t know what happened that I don’t do it more. Maybe I’d be a more positive person if I did it more often or maybe I won’t.

Not that I’m completely self-loathing, there are parts of me that I don’t like. I look back at things I’ve said, or have done or not done and I’m upset at myself because I don’t like what I see. Coming to this conclusion or realization is a good thing, rather than live complacently and continue on this path of self loathing- I can change. Or it could all backfire on me, knowing AND continue on with the path where I do or say things or be someone who I am beginning to loathe.

Through my 24 years of life so far, I have lived to see many injustices happen all around me. In the news, we hear of murders, crimes, wrong-doings, natural disasters, sickness, all kinds of news that no one really wants to hear about. But I guess you can’t always have miracle stories of people’s pets saving them from a deadly situation or something heartwarming like that…that would just be weird. But when something like that hits close to home, it’s a game changer.

It’s so bizarre how this thing-usually bad, seemingly only to affect one person, has sparked a change in everyone else around them. Well, not bizarre since everything in life is a cycle and almost always connected, or we make it so to be all connected. Either or, this recent development has made me decide that I am going to make a change in myself- for the better I hope!

I always liked the phrase “never change”. I often look at certain situations and I think, ya, it would be nice if things never changed or if time stood still. Like, how I remembered happy things from the past. But like everything else, there are as many good changes as bad. Not that change is exclusively a good or a bad thing. It’s just something that needs to be a constant in someone’s life. It’s all a part of the process of life and figuring things out.

I think I’ve written this earlier in the year, but I guess there will be bad things that happen and there will be good things that happen as well. We just need to forge on and value the good more than the bad.

So I say, to 2010, you’ve been good to a lot of people this year, but you’ve also vomited on people and kicked them in their shins (proverbially). So here’s to 2011…and may it be filled with more heartwarming rather than heartbreaking news.

merry christmas by the way.

I really want to remember the goals I set for myself this year, but I really can’t remember them. And if I can’t remember them, then that does not bode well for having those goals reached. But I guess having a year time frame for every single one of my goals is ridiculous. Things take time. As over used as this phrase is… Rome was not built in a day. IS that really the saying? or am I making sayings up now? Either way, I don’t think Rome was built in a year either. So I guess this is me telling myself it’s ok for failing.

I’m reading again. Chuck Klosterman’s Eating a Dinosaur has my attention on the TTC on a somewhat daily basis. I remember reading Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, and it made an impact on my life. It sort of validated what I essentially “dedicated” my head to studying for the next four years to come. People still look at me in bewilderment when I say “I studied Pop Culture”. Klosterman doesn’t hold back on cultural references. It’s the cornerstone of his writing which teaches me things I’d never would have known to even look up or even be aware happened.

It’s a funny thing, the profession of a writer. It’s all about what they write down. There are no stolen moments of silence that are flecked throughout our daily lives that hold so much meaning. Somethings you don’t have to say aloud but resonate so loud.

Weird.

A lazy labour day evening now. I’ve slept myself sick. I think this weekend I’ve been laying in bed more than I have sat upright. Pretty pathetic, right?

Anywho.
So I’m getting into comedy a lot more now. Podcasts are my vessel. Not necessarily the comedy/stand up in itself, but more of the comedians themselves. After watching Funny People and listening to Keith and the Girl, up until then I never realized how comedians were mostly such insecure people. I don’t think I’ve ever understood that. How can people with such insecurities in life in general get up in front of people and present themselves and talk to a room full of people who are essentially judging them! That is one of the most anxious sounding thing. Speech arts gave me anxiety as a kid. Singing in the school choir terrified me. I remember I couldn’t even keep my head up during performances, and look out. I would feel the clinch of my collar tightening around my neck in a crowd of people. Messed up.

Comedians are interesting, and it’s sort of a given they’re funny.

This entry sort of went nowhere. Not that it matters no one reads this.

I don’t think I’ve had a good sleep for years. Is this why when people age, and get older, their sleep is often cut short or reduced to early mornings and the bare minimum to function? The mind is like an alarm clock ticking away and responsibilities and worries are clawing at the bit to get your full attention again. Tension.

I had the best sleeps as a child. I remember I would take naps constantly and feel so refreshed. And now, even a full 7 is nearly impossible, let alone quality.

Do we sleep to dream? And if we sleep to dream, and we don’t dream, what good is sleep? I don’t know. I’m blabbing. I think I’ll try a bit of dreaming tonight.

What does that entail?
Whatever I want.

Me: Where did you go today?
Dad: oh…I just went to get my passport renewed, went to the flea market, looked for a record player for you. And I bought a remote control airplane.
Me:…
Dad: WHAT?!??!! IT’S FUN!

Mom.
My mom and I at a restaurant looking over the menu.

Mom:mmmm…
Me: mmmm….
Mom: hmmm…
Me: mmm…hmmm…
Mom: Are you having as much trouble as I am finding something to eat here?
Me: Ya.
Mom: ok. Let’s go. I’ll do the talking…you just keep walking…KEEP WALKING…